'When I wake up...'

"...the dream isn't done...
I wanna see your face and know I made it home..."
-All Time Low "Painting Flowers"

So for starters, I don't mean to sound totally depressing and shit, because y'all who know me, know that's not like me, but I need to just get this out of my head and just...onto something.

First of all, college is a little harder then I anticipated, a lot more work goes into all this stuff then I really want to admit. Second of all, my family relationship is this really questionable thing right now. I won't go into details for this point, but...it's hanging there. Third of all, I have to give up my kitty, Kio, and he's the one I named after Kyo, my character, it's a really hard thing. Forth, this distance from my girlfriend is slowly eating away at my nerves, and the worst part is, there's literally nothing either of us can do about it for a long time yet, and sick of the word "soon". Fifth, I have to find a house or apartment to rent or buy or something for this Summer. Why? Because I don't want to just make my parents let my girlfriend stay with us for the Summer, and I want a house of my own anyway. It's something I've wanted since I was like, 12. Sixth, I keep having these random sobbing spells, and I never used to cry. I'm the type of person who just takes out her frustration through drawing or rping and reading, never have I ever cried. I hate crying. It makes me feel weak and helpless, especially when people have to get me to calm down and stop. Seventh, I don't even feel like drawing or writing anymore, something I used to take like a lot of joy in is just gone, and I have no idea why. Eighth, it was about this time that Grand-D passed away almost 3 years ago now, and while that was a long time ago...fuck, he'd be so happy to see me here at Newberry, going to the college he always wanted me to go to, it's just really hard that he's not here to see me and know how happy I am here. I really do like Newberry! I just hate that my girlfriend isn't with me.

Now, this could all be worse, my parents could outright hate me, I could be failing, I could be having relationship issues, and I'm thankful for what I do have and for the problems I don't have. I know that at the end of all this, I'll come out a stronger and better person, but at the same time, I hate this. I want this done, and I just want to skip to the end. But honestly, who wouldn't? I know it could be worse, but when it gets to the point where I randomly burst into tears? Something's not okay, and something HAS to change. I'm gonna try to see the College counselor and see what she has to say, but I highly doubt that'll help anything. The only thing that'll truly help all of this is time. And I hate that answer. So I'm just going to go to sleep and move along with my days. Not really looking for advice or anything, just stating my issues, and telling those who care why I'm so down and out of it lately.

Good Night.